This has changed my life mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
In early March 2025, I was walking to my kitchen to collect my things on the way out the door for work when a “curtain” came down over my eyes, and everything looked, from that moment on, not real — as if I were looking through a screen, viewing things from a distance. Panic and great anxiety ruled the next few days as to what was happening.
My wife and I visited a neurologist a few days later. The diagnosis was anxiety. She stated that my neuro exam showed no signs whatsoever of any brain issues, and did not offer an MRI and EEG script if I wanted to check those boxes for confirmation.
I have been taking Synthroid for the better part of my adult life due to thyroid cancer, so my endocrinologist did some blood work. The results showed I had one elevated marker, so we spent the next 6 months changing dosages and manufacturers, but with no success.
During this time, I was able to do pretty much everything I had done prior to this change: driving, running, working, reading, and everything else. However, what was holding back was being “comfortable” running down a 2-mile trail alone, or driving 30 minutes from home, or anything at all that made me feel that something horrible could happen to me. I would joke with friends that I was waiting for some wild laser beam from Mars to come down and zap my brain. A lot of sincere prayer, a wonderful wife, and great friends were and still are a HUGE part of my ongoing adaptation to this issue.
We went to a few functional docs to look at long-term Covid and neuro Lyme, accompanied by tons of bloodwork, but nothing. I’d had a good annual vision check, but I still went to an Ophthalmologist to check that box, and again, healthy eyes. So we kept moving on. Throw in two wonderful GPs with no luck. We were running out of options. My symptoms worsened, and I stayed home from work for almost 2 months. I went on an anti-anxiety medication, which helped me tremendously, and I returned to work and continued as before. I ended up getting off the meds, as knowing what was really going on with me really lifted that burden of anxiety and all of the “what ifs.”
(This is my truth/experience.) It’s January, and I typically end my day talking to the Lord for thanksgiving, looking forward to the next day, and asking for forgiveness for anything I did/said that day. About one minute after I finished, with my eyes closed, I saw this question cross my closed eyelids. It read, “Could it be just your ears?” I thought briefly, “Could it just be my spleen?” or something silly like that. I woke up, remembered the question, googled it, and saw that dissociation is related to vestibular dysfunction. The article came from VeDA, so I looked up associates in my area and was able to get a quick teleconference within days, and then the recommended audio/balance exam the following week! At the end of the exam, the doc said the words I had been waiting to hear for almost a full year, “You have an issue.” She told me I have an issue with both of my vestibular nerves.
I started VPT (vestibular physical therapy) the following week. My first real question after giving over my full medical history was, “Have you ever seen someone like me (i.e., with dissociation)?” My therapist’s answer was as important as the audiologist’s: “Yes.” I see someone like you almost every day.” SERIOUSLY!!!! She has been amazing! A great practitioner and a very positive, realistic encourager.
I spent 3 months going through the usual wildly weird exercises of looking at post-it notes, closing your eyes and turning your head, to my favorite, the colored disco ball! We are currently taking a 2-month break. I was planning on continuing with a few exercises to do daily, but things were becoming more difficult. I was experiencing a little dizziness/swaying, which I have never had before. So decided to stop all exercises. Even running now has caused longer, stronger symptoms, so I’m just limiting a few things to keep a quieter life. I’m hoping and praying that my wonderful brain is continuing to process these things in order to recalibrate my nerves, which is the goal.
I understand that, since we’re dealing with nerves rather than tendons and tissue, this may be a very long haul. So I’m trusting the Lord for strength, wellness, and a lot of peace in this time of my life. I couldn’t be in better hands.