What BPPV taught me about myself
In September 2024, I felt a little twinge of dizziness after I got out of bed and bent down to pet the dog. I had a few more little warning shots, and then one day in March, I felt more than a twinge while I was at the gym. Then, as I was driving home, I had to pull over and collect myself. Long story short, I wasted a lot of time and money at a factory PT place where the young, traveling providers had to Google the Epley maneuver.
Not knowing any better, I hung in for a while and dutifully performed the exercises they gave me. In June, I went to the East Coast for the summer, where I was out of network. My symptoms got worse, and I spent that whole time sure that I had everything from a brain tumor to allergies. In August, I had a telehealth and begged my provider to refer me to a balance clinic in Tucson.
When I got home in September, I began working with a PT who specializes in vestibular problems. He immediately diagnosed my problem as BPPV in both the posterior and horizontal canals and started me on a regimen of maneuvers and exercises. Over and over, my PT stressed the importance of rest and listening to what the dizziness was telling me. He emphasized listening to my body. I recovered in about 6 weeks and lived happily ever after until this October 2025, when I busted out a hammer drill to blast through the thick calcium-rich soil layer in my desert landscape.
A few weeks later, I felt the warning shot, but I was in denial and reasoned that there was no way to reproduce the symptoms for my practitioner. A week before Christmas, I recognized I would need to see him and made an appointment. Over the ensuing 3 weeks I had to wait, I resurrected the exercises I had done the last time I started performing the Semont, which I had been instructed to do at home the last time around. As I waited for the appointment, I was able beat the symptoms back w/I an hour of getting up and going about my day, and to perform the exercises for 2 minutes each twice daily without triggering myself —until I came down with a head cold.
The morning of my appointment was the day I got the cold, which I thought was allergies from the windstorm we had just had. I masked up and went to my appointment just in case it wasn’t allergies, and learned that the Semont is for the posterior, not for the horizontal canal. I had already deduced that I had a horizontal canal on my right side, but had gotten confused about which maneuver I should have been doing, so basically all of my self-care leading up to my appointment was for nothing.
Instead of resting with the cold, I continued my regimen of PT for 2 minutes each 2/day and the more dizzy I felt, the more I felt I had to hold the line to “ beat it back”. On the 3rd Day, I called my PT in despair, who reminded me that our nervous system does not have limitless capacity and that my body was managing my head cold. He reassured me that I would feel better as the cold subsided. Still, I continued to march through the exercises, and of course, they started to trigger me. But did I stop? No. Not until Saturday, when I was at the height of my impatience to be done with the cold and the spins, did I hit the wall. That was when I had to concede defeat and just go to bed.
I am by nature very active and engaged all the time. I’m athletic and a former black belt, so the “if I can, I must” mentality is ingrained in me. I also grew up in an abusive family system, so giving in to sickness or sadness or anything that shows weakness (humanity) is not something I do. This rigor applies only to me, not to others. Others receive grace, yet I give none to myself. As I lay in bed thinking about how and why I was now incapacitated by spins, I realized for the first time in my life that my attitudes about illness were rooted in shame and embarrassment. God forbid my husband of 40 years see how unwell I felt, both mentally and physically!
Which brings me to the mental part of BPPV. I can’t speak for others, but for me, I am quick to fall into despair when things are bad. I become certain I’ll never drive again, or be able to do any of the things I love. I start to doubt that it’s BPPV, even though I can easily conjure the spins as I write simply by cocking my head to the right. Everything turns dark, but then if I get a few hours of peace, my usual optimism and cheerfulness pop out again, and everything feels manageable.
Even though I now understand that the nervous system is not limitless in its ability to manage everything all the time, when things are bad, I forget the physiology and chemistry at play and start viewing the nervous system as a woo-woo construct. I forget that my incredible PT is an expert at this and that I should relax and trust him. I lose faith that I will recover, even though I’ve already done it before.
I’ve been in this head cold/acute spin state for 3 days. My next appointment is in 3 days. Yesterday was better, today is worse for whatever reason. My wish for anyone reading this is that my experience resonates and brings comfort. To anyone struggling, I would recommend finding a PT who specializes in this stuff. Most PT academic programs provide their students with only about 6 hours of training in this area, so most are not equipped beyond basic Epley. Most cannot “read” the nystagmus signals to deduce where the problem is. And lastly, do as I say, not as I did :)—despite knowing better. Listen to your body. More and faster PT and activity do not mean quicker recovery. Wishing you all ease and grace! Much love, L